Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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