So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
