How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
