is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
