we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
