ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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