not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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