we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
