I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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