Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
