did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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