In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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