your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
