just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
