My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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