In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Two words: blizzard sex
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
