What a fucking waste of an outfit
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
