we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
