I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
