can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I will be naked everywhere
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
