I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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