you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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