i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
