My sheets look like a crime scene.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
