You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
