Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Randomize
