im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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