So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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