what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
