I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
She's the barista slut.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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