The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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