I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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