We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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