That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
