Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
