wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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