im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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