Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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