He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
