I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
