When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
