don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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