you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
