Sry I called you an 8
Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
being pregnant is like rehab
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
