Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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