I looked at my own cervix.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
