I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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