No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
