it was like his penis was on wheels.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
