Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
